CERTIFICATE OF DISSOLUTION
Pickleball Partnership
This certifies that
PADDLE A
and
PADDLE B
having endured 3,847 games,
612 disagreements over line calls,
countless kitchen violations,
and an irreconcilable difference concerning
WHO SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THAT BALL
are hereby declared:
LEGALLY SEPARATED
Effective immediately.
Neither paddle shall be required to:
- cover the other’s backhand;
- blame the other for an unforced error;
- pretend that the ball was definitely going out;
- or hear the words “Yours!” immediately before a ball lands between them.
Custody of the pickleballs: Joint.
Custody of the memories: 50/50.
Right to remarry:
- Not GRANTED until on or after October 1st, 2026, AND
- Your ROUGHNESS has been restored, like using an Anit-slip Spray, AND
- Both of you have adopted that Pickleball Language Gets Dirty, AND
- Never call each other that “You Are Body-bagged“, AND
- Never spin a ball above 2100 RPM
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